OPINION: Easing the Transition for Returning College Students

Car loads of college students from Marlborough are packing up their worldly belongings and returning home after a year of independence at college. As they wiggle their way back into family life, there is naturally a mixture of anticipation and anxiety for both the student as well as his family.  

Whether your child is returning from his first year away or his fourth, the challenge is to find a balance between his needs and desires and yours. The goal is to help returning children feel independent while at the same time encouraging them to honor their responsibility to the family. This can be tricky at best. 

Many children ping pong between the longing to be treated as an independent adult and the yearning to be nurtured as a child. 

In order to make the transition from college to home as smooth as possible, it is important to negotiate conflicts early. Things which will most likely cause tension and which will need to be discussed include curfews, use of the car, phone and internet use, drinking and household responsibilities. It is wise to negotiate these items before the summer gets underway to avoid ongoing contention. 

It would be prudent to plan ahead and have a frank discussion to iron out the expectations. At this time, open, respectful communication and a willingness to negotiate will go a long way towards family harmony. When necessary, find places where you can compromise and make these the ground rules for the summer.

As a member of the family, returning college students should be expected to contribute around the house. They are not boarders and home is not a hotel. It is important to discuss issues such as doing laundry, meal preparation and the expectation to watch or transport younger siblings right off the bat. 

In the end, let your child know that you are happy to have him home. Expect that he may come back more independent, self-reliant and mature. Most likely he has grown intellectually, socially and emotionally. It is natural for relationships between family members to evolve and change. And, while there are bound to be growing pains along the way, most relationships will grow into fulfilling, gratifying ones. 

Summer is the perfect time to embrace your child and the changing relationship you have with him. Become his mentor, providing encouragement and guidance. Enjoy pressure-free relaxed time together and create lasting memories. Before you know it, he will be packing and heading off again.

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