OPINION: Be Involved Not Over-Involved

What used to be referred to as “spoiling” your children is now being termed “over-parenting” or “helicopter parenting” or “hothouse parenting” or “death-grip parenting.” All of these terms describe a style of parenting marked by traditional spoiling (no rules and an overabundance of toys) with the added bonus of achievement pressure for the child and anxiety for the parent. 

In households where over-parenting is the norm, children are typically expected to partake in numerous extracurricular activities: sports teams, music lessons, theater, clubs and religious groups to name a few. For the older children, a heavy academic schedule is added to produce a well rounded child who would have endless doors open to his future endeavors. He would be a prodigy - at any cost. 

Parents of these children hover over every school activity, every trip to the playground and every practice field, rarely out of reach. The goal is to sweep all (possibly physically, psychologically or emotionally harmful) obstacles out of their children’s way. In this “bubble wrap” world, parents pave the way for their children, try to solve their problems, fight their battles, and protect them at every turn. Children are not allowed to succeed on their own and are not given enough rein to fall. 

Unfortunately, the perils of over protecting our children manifest themselves when they (our children) are faced with the real life rough-and-tumble world we live in, when “the best laid plans of mice and men (often) go awry.”  And so it is that the practice of over-parenting is a highly debated and very personal decision.

While the intention of  helicopter parents is positive and the desire is to be involved in their children’s lives, it would seem that a little less hovering would be far more beneficial. Children need to live their own dreams, not those of their parents. They need to learn to be independent, to think for themselves, to defend themselves and resolve problems on their own. 

It is wonderful for parents to work directly with their children at home, engage in school activities, assist in classrooms and accompany them on field trips. It is all about balance. A parent is supposed to teach his children right from wrong, to instill values and to teach respect. A parent must discipline, encourage confidence and love unconditionally. 

There needs to be a clear line between parent and child, it is not a level playing field.

Proper parenting means providing guidance, not answers. It means letting out the reins just a little bit and letting your child make his own mistakes. Be there when he falls with open arms ready to dust him off and tell him you love him. Life is about learning from mistakes. He does not need a parent to hover over his every move, he needs a parent who will love and support him and be there when he falls. If a child knows that he is loved and accepted for who he is, he will conquer the obstacles that come his way.

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