POLL: Is It OK to Spank Your Kids?
This man was "brave" enough to tell an interviewer at Boston Magazine that he thinks it's OK, and in an age where few will admit to it.
An article that ran in Boston Magazine most recently brought up a subject that has garnered waves of controversy over the past decade.
As this article points out, it has become socially unacceptable to spank your kids, though technically not illegal. It became more evident in parents' reluctance to speak to the interviewer that even those who do still believe in spanking really don't want to talk about it.
"Countless debates at the edges of playgrounds may roil over how much screen time is too much and the right age to stop breast-feeding," writes James H. Burnett III, "but there’s no more radioactive topic in parenting today than corporal punishment. This despite the fact that it was almost universally accepted just a generation ago."
What does the general population really think about spanking kids? Do you think we've gone too far? Do you think it's acceptable at any level?
Vote in our poll and share your thoughts.
Mark Cain
8:45 am on Saturday, June 23, 2012
Kids need the discipline or else they end up whining liberals.
David Nolta
9:53 am on Saturday, June 23, 2012
They end up whining, apparently, either way...
Mitch Gordon
9:46 am on Saturday, June 23, 2012
Sometimes you have to get your kids' attention...yet to me, spanking (physically or emotionally or psychologically) is all the same. We need to find ways to engender peace through better ways to pay attention to and listen to each other...It is amazing how respect works in bith directions...
SomeoneOrSomething
10:11 am on Saturday, June 23, 2012
There's a difference between a spanking and abuse, but... I do agree with Mitch.
David Nolta
10:33 am on Saturday, June 23, 2012
Oh this is one of those topics that really gets me. I am so tired of seeing parents (at least I assume and PRAY they are parents) in public places whacking away at their kids. A recent example really stands out: I was heading to my car in the parking lot at Kohl's in Milford, and there was a 30-something, neatly dressed man, 6 feet or so tall. He was presumably the father of the 3 or 4-year-old girl (that is, say, 2-1/2 feet tall or so?) who was putting on a loud show of being unhappy. And this guy whacks her a few times. It did NOT stop the crying--surprise! But the visuals were upsetting to say the least. I mean think about it--can it ever REALLY be necessary, fair, or a good example, for an adult (a big ole hulking American mother or father) to hit a little kid?? Having said this, I do realize that a good parent WILL whack a kid--for example, a little kid who runs into the street--in order to prevent the kid from repeating a dangerous act. I'm not sure it's the best way to train a child (or anybody else), but it seems to be instinctual, it's been happening since the beginning of time, and until PARENTS can be re-trained, it's probably going to continue.
Myd Nevins
11:05 am on Saturday, June 23, 2012
I would think it would depend on the situation. For one thing, as other have pointed out, there is a difference between a spanking and a beating. I view spanking as a tool for a parent to discipline a child. Much like tools in a garage, each has its purpose. Just as I wouldn't use a hammer to cut a board, I wouldn't use a spanking to quiet a noisy kid. The few times my parents spanked me, and they did, it was for a good reason. Yes, there was tears in my eyes afterwards. Yes, I thought I hated them after. But I also deserved it and I guarantee whatever I did to warrant it, I never did it again.
I also look back at my childhood and compare it to the kids of today. Back when there was a possibility of getting a spanking, there was alot more respect given to adults from kids.
Kelly O'Harra
11:24 pm on Tuesday, July 3, 2012
I absolutely agree! When you hit a child (which children's brains are not even formed to the point to reason with the aggression properly) you then show them that hitting is ok even though you may be doing it as a punishment. An adult hitting his/her child only shows that child that this is acceptable behavior... Just as violence only breeds more violence.
Chris L.
11:10 am on Saturday, June 23, 2012
Let's all just talk to the kids. Tell them that you respect their desire to be their own person, and they can do anything they want in life.
In 15 years, they'll be living in a tent in Boston, attempting to get the government to wipe out the financial obligations brought on by their poor life choices. Hmmm...maybe those people's parents didn't teach them about consequences......
Pizza man
11:45 am on Saturday, June 23, 2012
There is a difference between spanking and beating. Spanking to teach a kid something was wrong that could put them in harms way is not an issue. To hit a kid out of frustration is wrong. I think some of the adults I see and the way they behave should have been belted a few times.
David Nolta
12:12 pm on Saturday, June 23, 2012
Agreed, Pizza man!
Steven
1:02 pm on Friday, June 29, 2012
Pizza man, most people in the US have been spanked. Clearly it is not the solution for bad parenting and setting bad examples so why persist in it?
PREDATOR
12:52 pm on Saturday, June 23, 2012
Of course beating is wrong....however there is nothing wrong with a swift firm spank if it is deserved. I also would like to agree with Mitch, however I am afraid that ideal is not suited to the world around us.
Steven
1:04 pm on Friday, June 29, 2012
Predator, a lot of parents end up beating their kids with belts, switches, paddles, etc. When you defend your right to a light spank you are defending these parents, especially in the bible belt, that really lay into their children.
Tyler Collins
4:02 pm on Saturday, June 23, 2012
Spanking is a form of abuse no matter what way you look at it or try to justify the action. Is it effective? Most likely, yes; but what it comes down to is enforcing a rule or establishing operative conditioning through the reaction of physical harm. Now, I'm not saying that it's as bad or worse than beating, because it isn't; but you're deluding yourself if you think inflicting any type of pain on a child isn't a form of abuse. And don't even get me started on the parents who spank there child in public for everyone to see...
Momma
11:21 pm on Sunday, June 24, 2012
I just would like to know if you have children??
Dominic Ruggiere
6:12 pm on Saturday, June 23, 2012
When you spank a child you're telling them it's okay to hit others. Example: A child at the playground takes a toy from your child. (who has been spanked) In your child's young mind the other child did something wrong so he/she thinks it's okay to hit the other child.
I was spanked as a child and vowed never to hit my children. I have a son 22 years old and a daughter 5 years old and never felt the need to spank them. If you get down to there level and speak to them and make them feel important and let them feel like there in control there should be no need to spank. It's so much easier an quicker to spank then to take a minuet or two and explain things to your child in a way that they can understand.
This is just opinion and works for my wife and I.
i
Kelly O'Harra
11:26 pm on Tuesday, July 3, 2012
I couldnt agree more!!
Jenn Luke
8:14 pm on Saturday, June 23, 2012
I do not agree with spanking under any circumstance. Hitting only teaches your child to be fearful of you instead of helping them learn what they did wrong. Discipline is important but we need to do it in a calm way with empathy. That teaches your child that you are listening to them. Every child is going to test the limits and will be upset about things throughout life. If you provide clear rules and natural consequences you will have a better chance of raising a child who will open up to you instead of one who lies and engages in risky behaviors.
Andie
5:14 am on Sunday, June 24, 2012
I've tried both ways. Spanking and talking. Spanking seemed to work best. They were more afraid of the spanking then the "talk". They behaved better if they thought a spanking was coming. I also have a look that I give before any spanking will occur. If they continue to misbehave after the look....then it's a spankin they get. Nothing brutal or anything and never in public but they know I'm not playin.
Pizza man
12:52 pm on Sunday, June 24, 2012
I agree
Chasity
8:57 am on Wednesday, June 27, 2012
I personally teach my kids morals not to be afraid. My children know why misbehaving is wrong.When you hit you teach your child you do not respect them and in turn to be afraid of you. I do not only "talk" I give them consequences to their actions also. They have eventually learned that actions have consequences that fit the crime,. For example, if you cannot listen you do not get privileges. My kids are very smart and my oldest is doing very well in school. She is respectful and I get nothing but compliments. Every teacher she has ever had comments on her listening skills. Maybe you should do more than talk. Maybe you should teach.
Steven
1:06 pm on Friday, June 29, 2012
Exactly, they were more AFRAID. You didn't teach them better behavior by setting an example for them, you threatened them until they were too afraid to do anything. That is called terror. You could have gotten results by putting in more effort with your children.
Northborough Resident
8:58 am on Sunday, June 24, 2012
It is easier to spank than to consistently follow through with other methods of discipline, which do work if used consistently and calmly. There is a difference between fear & respect and parents confuse them. I'm a parent of two toddlers and was spanked as a child. I do not ever want to spank my children and believe there are other ways to get their attention (ie physical hold) that does not necessitate spanking and does not result in a child fearing (vs respecting) the parent. Toddlers especially can be infuriating and it takes a great deal of patience to teach them to be well-behaved little people. Discipline means to guide, not to physically punish.
Arizona925
10:20 am on Sunday, June 24, 2012
I agree with a few of the above posts. There is a major difference between respect and fear. Corporal punishment has many different meanings and varies with cultures and age. Is "spanking" a light swat on the bum or an organized project such as picking your switch, bend over and take 10 hard smacks? I do believe in the safety spank. Not enough to really hurt but enough to shock. I would rather my child have a sore bottom and recall the swat the next time they contemplate darting into the street then to actually be hit my a car.
Bottom line is what are you teaching your child? Making a child say " I'm sorry" without helping them understand what they did and how they hurt another is empty words. A 3 yr old saying "sorry" for hitting billy teaches nothing. Getting billy an ice pack and sitting with him helps nurture empathy. Does spanking end the behavior permentantly and not out of fear but out of the child's understanding of the situation? If parents find themselves repeatedly spanking for the same behavior they aren't helping their children learn important problem solving skills. Spanking because you are a frustrated parent is never ok. This is all just my opinion and 2 cents.
Steven
1:10 pm on Friday, June 29, 2012
Arizona, there are other methods that have been proven to work so why resort to hitting your child at all? Switzerland has outlawed spanking since 1970. They have an entire adult population who grew up without being spanked. It is an unnecessary and archaic practice that is like playing Russian Roulette with your child.
Ed Bertorelli
12:52 pm on Sunday, June 24, 2012
okay bloggers-what would you do to those nasty,nasty students of the bus who tormented the elderly bus monitor ??
Pizza man
12:58 pm on Sunday, June 24, 2012
Some on this post would talk to them about what they did wrong. They had to learn this behavior from somewhere. Maybe their parents? A firm spanking, grounded, and maybe some community service with their parents! Do people really think this is the very first time these kids behaved like that? I bet you some of their class mates are not surprised! Some may even be relieved that they are in trouble. I would guess there would be more to come.
Chris L.
2:28 pm on Sunday, June 24, 2012
From what I've seen in this area, the kids would get gold stars and trophies for participation, and then attention would be lavished over them, because they are precious little snowflakes.
Arizona925
12:41 pm on Monday, June 25, 2012
Yes the kids often learn the behavior from their parents so aren't they learning that hitting is ok? Does spankin work? Yes, it stops them dead in their tracks but that's because the fear getting a spanking. What happens when there is no one around to spank them? I don't think talking to them like a pampered baby is needed but help the kids learn morals. We don't throw rocks at someone's window not because we are afraid of getting spanked but because it's wrong! That homeowner has bills and now has to pay for a broken window. Help them learn empathy then ground them and make them do chores/ community work to earn money and buy a new window. Also, I know many adults that were spanked for everything and when asked how long they were spanked 99% of the time the answer is " until I got to big and could hit back
18andsafenow
6:14 pm on Tuesday, June 26, 2012
In light of the Judge Adams video,
We often hear from those who fight to uphold this practice for those under the age of 18 (even to the blaming of the social maladies of the day on a supposed "lack" of it), but we rarely, if ever, find advocates for the return of corporal punishment to the general adult community, college campuses, inmate population, or military. Why is that?
Ask ten unyielding proponents of child/adolescent/teenage-only "spanking" about the "right" way to do it, and what would be abusive, indecent, or obscene, and you will get ten different answers.
These proponents should consider making their own video-recording of the "right way" to do it.
18andsafenow
6:15 pm on Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Children should have a right to their bodies, and the right to say "No!"
Currently in the U.S.:
When an adult does it to another adult, its sexual battery:
http://hamptonroads.com/2011/12/va-beach-restaurateur-pleads-guilty-sexual-battery
When children do it to adults, its a "deviant sexual prank":
http://www.theday.com/article/20101207/NWS04/101209750
When an adult does it to a person under the age of 18, its "good discipline".
Research/recommended reading:
Spanking Can Make Children More Aggressive Later
http://tulane.edu/news/releases/pr_03122010.cfm
Spanking Kids Increases Risk of Sexual Problems
http://www.unh.edu/news/cj_nr/2008/feb/lw28spanking.cfm
Use of Spanking for 3-Year-Old Children and Associated Intimate Partner Aggression or Violence
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/126/3/415
Spanking Children Can Lower IQ
http://www.unh.edu/news/cj_nr/2009/sept/lw25straus.cfm
Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak
http://www.nospank.net/pt2010.pdf
The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson
http://nospank.net/sdsc2.pdf
"Spanking" can be intentional or unintentional sexual abuse
http://www.nospank.net/101.htm
TERRY RUDD
1:02 pm on Monday, July 2, 2012
THIS IS AN EXCELLENT POST & I WOULD ADVISE PEOPLE VISIT THE WEB PAGES MENTIONED!
Kelly O'Harra
11:40 pm on Tuesday, July 3, 2012
I could not have written this better myself! Great post!
Chris St
10:42 pm on Tuesday, June 26, 2012
If spanking is used it should stop at around the age of 10 with 11 being borderline. Twelve is too old and certainly, once a child reaches the age of 13 they should not be spanked under any circumstances.
Steven
1:12 pm on Friday, June 29, 2012
A child should not be hit at all. There are plenty of other proven parenting methods that are just as effective but healthier for children.
18andsafenow
10:44 pm on Tuesday, June 26, 2012
The reasons and responses given by advocates of child/adolescent/teenage-only corporal punishment are nearly always the same:
1) "The Bible says...."
2) Research/statements from the religious fundamentalist sector (as opposed to those who believe Jesus would never condone hitting a child).
3) They're not doing it "right". I still haven't found any general consensus on a "right" method for "spanking" kids.
4) "I was 'spanked' (or bullied in school, or raised by the state, drank the green water,etc) and I turned out OK."
5) If you don't "spank" children, they'll end up in prison/hell/with terrible manners (hitting being confused with discipline).
18andsafenow
10:52 pm on Tuesday, June 26, 2012
"If we really want a peaceful and compassionate world, we need to build communities of trust where all children are respected, where home and school are safe places to be and where discipline is taught by example."
Desmond M. Tutu, Archbishop Emeritus, Nobel Peace Prize recipient, Global Initiative to End All Corporal Punishment of Children, 2006. See www.nospank.net/globalreport.pdf
"The much-touted 'biblical argument' in support of corporal punishment is founded upon proof-texting a few isolated passages from Proverbs. Using the same method of selective scripture reading, one could also cite the Bible as an authority for the practice of slavery, adultery, polygamy, incest, suppression of women, executing people who eat pork, and infanticide. The brutal and vindictive practice of corporal punishment cannot be reconciled with the major New Testament themes that teach love and forgiveness and a respect for the sacredness and dignity of children, and which overwhelmingly reject violence and retribution as a means of solving human problems. Would Jesus ever hit a child? NEVER!"
The Rev. Thomas E. Sagendorf, United Methodist Clergy (Retired), Hamilton, Indiana. Personal communication, 2006.
Chasity
8:50 am on Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Never have hit my kids and they are fine. I get compliments all the time on their behavior. Discipline does not have to be spanking.
PREDATOR
8:53 am on Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Chasity....could you please clarify the logic used in this comment.
Steven
1:14 pm on Friday, June 29, 2012
Predator, her logic is pretty clear. Spanking is not necessary to have good, well mannered children as so many parents think. Discipline and punishment are not the same thing.
Chris L.
9:01 am on Wednesday, June 27, 2012
And this has become the easily-predicted "I'm better than you because I ______, maybe you should ______" internet posting board battle.
Kudos on keeping it going since Saturday.
Mr. Nibbles
5:11 pm on Monday, July 2, 2012
I've found that waving one of those dangerous sparklers in my children's faces gets the message across better than spanking.
"Better fly right or you'll get the sparkler!"
Me
8:57 am on Thursday, July 5, 2012
I personally think most of you should be spanked. Take a look at the rude disrespectful teen/20 somethings out there right now. The generation of not being spanked.
Cheryl
10:34 am on Thursday, July 5, 2012
Everyone is so up in arms about how we should not impose corporal punishment (spanking-not beating) for bad or dangerous behavior in our children. If we loose the right to fix the inappropriate and disrespectful behavior during childhood we set them up to face corporal punishment as adults and put into our already overcrowded jails for long periods of time. Which is better? I feel we should have the right to direct our children and guide them to making wise decisions and knowing that if they do not, there are varying levels of consequences for poor decisions. This will prepare them for proper behavior in our society as adults, where there are varying levels of consequences for poor decisions.
Kim Wescott
12:29 pm on Thursday, July 5, 2012
There is a difference between spanking and abuse. Some parents that I know have carefully and rationally considered what tools they will use to try to raise children that will grow into adults who are respectful and contributing members of society. These parents follow some common-sense guidelines, and I have a great deal of respect for the way they are raising their children. They never strike their child in anger or frustration. They do not use implements, or spank hard enough to leave marks or bruises. Calm discussion about the offense in private precedes the spanking. It is administered ONLY for a serious offense, and one which the child already knows will result in this consequence. The children understand why they are being spanked, and at the same time understand that they are loved. Once the spanking is done, so is the discussion about the bad behavior - in other words, the parents don't go on berating the child for the misbehavior. Done in this manner, I can see that spanking can be an effective tool.
David Nolta
1:53 pm on Thursday, July 5, 2012
Yes, but think about it, it's still a really BIG person hitting a child. A CHILD! I think for most parents it's natural, I don't think it's "bad" that most parents do it to protect their children, but really, adults can do better!
18andsafenow
3:19 pm on Thursday, July 5, 2012
These people were "spanked" as children by adults, and they "turned out just fine":
Man Terrorized After Stopping A Dad From Spanking His Son
http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2012/06/25/man-terrorized-after-stopping-a-dad-from-spanking-his-son/
Woman who prompted SEPTA bus shooting pleads guilty
http://articles.philly.com/2012-06-06/news/32079797_1_bus-passenger-guilty-plea-preliminary-hearing
Terrifying footage shows bus gun attack 'after man dared to complain about mother spanking her child'
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2022668/Terrifying-footage-shows-bus-gun-attack-man-dared-complain-mother-spanking-child.html
Parents acting out
http://abcnews.go.com/2020/video/parents-mom-dad-kids-anger-management-attack-celebrity-losing-2020-16632646